Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
