there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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