genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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