Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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