Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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