i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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