why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
