if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
