Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
