I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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