I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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