How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
