is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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