I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
