did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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