I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
