my soul wont recognize me after tonight
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so let's talk penis.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
