Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
