GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
