Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
