how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
