arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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