dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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