sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
