RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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