If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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