My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
