: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
