So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
