You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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