we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
