oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
