I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
