i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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