Have you finally orgasmed yet?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
