so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
