My room smells like vodka and shame
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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