So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How external is "for external use only"?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
