I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
