what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
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Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
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Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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