my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
