I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
