Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was CRYING into my vagina
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
