problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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