We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
false alarm, still single
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
