i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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