My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
