Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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