suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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