I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
