Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
