I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
