things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
