First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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