I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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