A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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