dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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