Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
