I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
