no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
