i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
