I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
how drunk are you?
Several
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
