If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
