took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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