Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
