we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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