I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
send nudes
from the living room?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
