I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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