Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
