there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
