Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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