just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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