i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
