maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
