i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
