no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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