Pregnant stripper...not hot.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
