Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize
