everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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