A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
