I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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