ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
