I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
