Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
