he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
