wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
