Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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